I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
