one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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