Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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