im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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