I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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