No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Randomize
