A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
