you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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