I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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