I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize