Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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