My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
