What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
