He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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