Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we're making bets on your personal life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
