it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
