If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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