Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
