You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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