Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
