This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
