Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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