hotel room ftw
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
