it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
