My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
