i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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