her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
