capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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