I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I touched a dick in church today
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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