i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
