So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
