did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize