You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
