I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
