Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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