Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
