You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
