4 words: hood of his car
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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