Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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