very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
