if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
