At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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