Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
