You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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