the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
being pregnant is like rehab
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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