Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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