WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
