Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
