omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize