Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
