Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
