Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
