Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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