new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
