why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
