dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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