Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
