there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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