She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When are your genitals available?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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