Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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