super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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