She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i out mim tonsoeep
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