the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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