remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
