You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
