My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
