I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
