In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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