Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
