He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
