hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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