Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
