Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
