Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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