I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
