It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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