things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
they're like a gay fantastic four
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
