Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
