I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
