I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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