the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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