You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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