I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
