its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
