4 words: hood of his car
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
