the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
