Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
