just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
