i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
