wake up i wanna do it froggy style
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he shaved USA in his pubs
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
