So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
