i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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