Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the condom got lost in my hair
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I love you.
Bad choice
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