But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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